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Article published on LinkedIn.com: Jan. 17, 2024
28_Grieving_Loss_En.pdf
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRIEVING AND LOSS PROCESS?
No matter what kind of loss, you've suffered, there's no right
or wrong way to grieve. But by understanding the stages and
types of grief, you can find healthier ways to deal with it.
Grieving is a natural response to the loss. It is the
emotional pain you experience when something or someone you
love is taken away from you.
Often the pain of loss can seem overwhelming. You may feel all
kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or
anger to disbelief, guilt, and deep sadness.
The pain of bereavement can also disrupt your physical health,
making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think properly.
These are normal reactions to a loss and the greater the loss,
the more intense your grief will be.
Coping with the loss of someone or something, you love is one
of life's greatest challenges.
You may associate grief with the death of a loved one, which
is often the cause of the most intense type of grief, but any
loss can cause grief, including:
1.
A divorce or relationship breakdown.
2.
Loss of health.
3.
Loss of employment.
4.
Loss of financial stability.
5.
A miscarriage.
6.
Retirement.
7.
The death of a pet.
8.
The loss of a cherished dream.
9.
Serious illness of a loved one.
10.
The loss of a friendship.
11.
Loss of security following trauma.
12.
The sale of the family home.
Even subtle losses in life can trigger feelings of grief. For
example, you might be grieving after leaving home, upon
graduation, or a job change.
Whatever your loss is personal to you, so don't be ashamed of
what you're going through or believe it's somehow appropriate
to grieve some things. If the person, animal, relationship, or
situation was important to you, it is normal to grieve the
loss you are experiencing.
Whatever the cause of your grief, there are healthy ways to
deal with the pain that, over time, can lessen your sadness
and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning,
and eventually move on.
A. The approach:
Grieving is a highly personal
experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
How you grieve depends on many
factors, including your personality and coping style, your
life experience, your faith, and how important the loss is to
you.
Of course, the grieving process takes
time. Healing takes place gradually and cannot be forced or
rushed. There is no « normal » time for mourning. Some people
start to feel better after a few weeks or months.
For others, the grieving process is
measured in years. Whatever your grieving experience, it's
important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to
unfold naturally.
B.
Myths and realities:
1.
Myth:
The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Reality:
Trying to ignore your pain or prevent it from happening will
only make it worse in the long run. For true healing, it is
necessary to confront your grief and actively deal with it.
2.
Myth:
It is important to be « strong
» in the face of loss.
Reality:
Feeling sad, scared, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss.
Crying doesn't mean you're weak. You don't need to « protect »
your family or friends by showing courage. Showing your true
feelings can help them as well as you.
3.
Myth:
If you're not crying, it means you're not sorry for the loss.
Reality:
Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only
one. Those who don't cry can feel pain just as deeply as
anyone else.
They may just
have other ways to show it.
4.
Myth:
mourning is expected to last about a year.
Reality:
There is no specific time limit for mourning. The time it
takes differs from person to person.
5.
Myth:
Moving on means forgetting your loss.
Reality:
Moving on means you have accepted your loss, but it is not the
same as forgetting. You can move on and keep the memory of
someone or something you lost as an important part of you.
In fact, as we go through life, these
memories can become more and more integral to defining who you
are.
C.
Dealing with the process:
While grieving a loss is an inevitable
part of life, there are ways to help deal with the pain, come
to terms with your grief, and eventually find a way to pick up
the pieces and move on.
1.
Accept your pain.
2.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
3.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
4.
Seek face-to-face support from people who care about you.
5.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
6.
Know the difference between grief and depression.
D.
The stages.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what is known as «
the five stages of grief. » These stages of grief were based
on her studies of the feelings of patients dealing with
terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to
other types of negative changes and loss of life, such as the
death of a loved one or a breakup.
1.
Denial:
« It can't happen to me. »
2.
Anger:
« Why is this happening? Who is to blame? »
3.
Negotiation:
« Make sure this doesn't happen, and in return, I'll ___. »
4.
Depression:
« I'm too sad to do anything. »
5.
Acceptance:
« I am at peace with what happened. »
If you are feeling any of these emotions following a loss, it can be
helpful to know that your reaction is natural and will heal
over time.
However, not everyone who cries goes through all of these stages and
that's okay.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not necessary to go through every stage
to heal.
In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of
these steps.
And if you go through these stages of grief, you probably won't
experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry
about how you « should
» feel or what stage you're
supposed to be in.
E.
Symptoms.
Although loss affects people in different ways, many of us experience the
following symptoms when we are grieving.
Remember that almost everything you experience at the start of grief is
normal, including feeling as if you're going crazy, having a
bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.
1.
Emotional symptoms:
a.
Shock and skepticism:
immediately after a loss, it can be difficult to accept what
has happened.
You may feel numb, find it hard to believe the loss really happened, or
even deny the truth.
If a pet or someone you love has died, for example, you can still expect
them to show up, even though you know they're gone.
b.
Sadness:
deep sadness is probably the most universally experienced
symptom of grief.
You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, longing, or deep loneliness.
You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
c.
Guilt:
you may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn't
say or do.
You may also feel guilty
about certain feelings.
For example, feeling relieved when someone dies after a long and
difficult illness.
You may even feel guilty for not doing more to prevent your loss, even
though it is completely out of your control.
d.
Fear:
a major loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you
have lost your partner, your job, or your home, for example,
you may feel anxious, helpless, or uncertain about the future.
You may even have panic attacks.
The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality,
about facing life without that person, or about the
responsibilities you now face alone.
e.
Anger:
even if the loss is no one's fault, you may experience anger
and resentment.
If you've lost a loved one, you might be angry with yourself, God, the
doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you.
You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice done to you.
2.
Physical symptoms:
We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often
involves physical issues, including:
a.
Tiredness
b.
Nausea
c.
Decreased immunity
d.
Weight loss or gain
e.
Aches and pains
f.
Insomnia
F.
Seeking support:
The pain of bereavement can often cause you to want
to withdraw from others and withdraw into yourself.
But having face-to-face support from other people is
essential to healing from loss.
Even if you are not comfortable talking about your
feelings under normal circumstances, it is important to
express them during your grief.
While sharing your loss can ease the burden of
grief, it doesn't mean that every time you interact with
friends and family you should talk about your loss.
Comfort can also come from simply being around other
people who care about you. The main thing is not to isolate
yourself.
If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the
comfort its mourning rituals can bring you.
Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you,
such as prayer, meditation, or going to church, can bring you
comfort.
If you question your faith as a result of the loss,
speak to a member of the clergy or others in your faith
community.
Grieving can make you feel isolated, even when you have loved
ones around you.
Sharing your grief with others who have experienced similar
losses can help.
To
find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local
hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and health service
centers.
There are far more details to assimilate and cannot be
expended in a simple article. I suggest that you explore
chapter 10 of the book
« My success is your success. »
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This book is the result of forty years
of experience acquired with local and international
organizations and companies and during consultancy,
change management, transition and marketing services.
This 404-page
personal development book was published by WebTech
Publishing and is available online in English, North
American French and European versions. For more
information and to view the flip book, visit
webtechPublishing.
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About the Author
Decelles
Other publications:
ISO Pour Tous
– Le manuel
d’information ISO – Le guide de préparation ISO – La
gestion du changement en affaires – La gestion de
projet d’affaires – Le
changement POUR TOUS –
Change your future,
now! – Mon succès est votre succès.
Press Contact
Germain Decelles, o.s.j.
WebTech Management et Publication Incorpored
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