b"FACILITATE POSITIVE EXCHANGES Writing down our feelings is a great way to express our negative emotions suchasanger,pain,fear,andregretinacontrolledway,ratherthan letting them explode against our partners in the heat of the moment. Once this is done, we can reconnect with our romantic feelings, and we are then in a much better shape to explain to our partners how we feel and what they can do to help us feel better.Itisimportanttocommunicatesuchfeelingsinalovingatmosphere becausewemayneedtofeellovedsafelywhilecommunicatingsuch intimate and revealing feelings.For their part, our partners may need the same if some of these feelings arepainfultohearorcanbetakenpersonally.Sometimesit'sworth discussing it with friends or advisors first.11.How to request assistance: men like to do things that are appreciated and hate to do things that are required. Criticizing him or giving him excessive instructions will make him feel more like a slave than a loved and trusted partner. Men like to prove their worth through the things they do, but they usually wait to be asked. Generally, men take a long time to learn how to offer their services unsolicited.Women should avoid asking a man for help in a way that doesn't sound like a clear request or carries an implied criticism that he should have done it already. Questions that begin with the wordsCould youorCan youare ofteninterpretedbymenasquestioningtheirabilities,andsothey respond more positively to the same questions if they instead start with;Would you likeorDo you want. The difference may seem small, but it can seem as different as the man who saysNo, I can'torNo, I won'tin response to the request.It's best to give a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time that suits him.Ifamanisbusydoingsomethingandawomanneedshishelpwith something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to ask to defer her or even to refuse it. Germain Decelles179"