b"DISCOVERING YOURSELF AS TO BETTER UNDERSTAND OTHERSPerhaps an angry tone in the voice of your partner, boss, or co-worker reminds you of a shouting match in your youth. Or maybe you withdraw into yourself, even though that anger is not directed at you.Itisalsosuggestedtoobserveothertriggersthatoftensetinmotionself-sabotaging behaviors, such as boredom, fear, or when things are going well.Practicing mindfulness or becoming non-judgmentally aware of your present-moment thoughts and behaviors can also help.Whenever you discover a trigger, try to find an interesting reaction or two to replace that self-sabotaging behavior.Trainyourselftobecomfortablewithfailure.Itisnormaltofearrejection, failure, and other emotional pain. These things aren't usually fun to deal with, so you need to take steps to avoid them.This becomes problematic when the actions you take involve self-sabotage. You may avoid unwanted experiences, but you may also miss out on things you really want, like strong relationships, close friends, or career opportunities.To manage this fear, strive to accept the realities of failure and pain. This is a difficult task, and it will not happen overnight.Start small by trying to recognize the next setback, whether it's a relationship that's soured or an opportunity for advancement you might miss at work.Maybetheendofthatrelationshipmeansyoucanfinallystartanew relationship, or a missed work opportunity means you'll have a little more free time to get back to your hobbies.If you notice certain situations keep popping up in your relationships, talk about them with people you trust.Also, you could try telling your partner that you want the relationship to work, but you are afraid it will fail.If you seem to be closing in on yourself or pulling away, it's because you're worried about losing her. Mention that you're trying to get by, but you don't want it to sound as if you don't care, in the meantime.Another tip is to simply talk out loud to yourself when you're alone, this will help put the self-sabotage situation you're concerned about, into perspective. Germain Decelles89"