b"Chapter 2 Take the example of timing. Maybe you want to postpone a research paper because deep down you're worried that you won't write it as well as you hoped. You know, writing it at the last minute, won't help quality, but it will give you control over that outcome because you chose to write it at the last minute.It can also happen in relationships. Opening up to someone emotionally can feel extremely vulnerable.By keeping things in, you hold what seems to have the upper hand. But in the end,youdon'treaptherewardsofbuildingintimacybynotsharingyour vulnerabilities.EMBRACE YOUR EVOLUTIONBehaviors that have worked for you in the past usually don't help you once your circumstances change. In fact, they often cause harm. Butyou keep doing them because they've already worked well for you.The good news is thatself-sabotage patterns can bedisrupted withalittle effort.It's not always easy to examine your actions deeply enough to notice patterns of self-sabotage.Admittingthatwesabotageourselvesispainful.Nooneisrushingtothat conclusion. We tend to avoid it for as long as possible until we have no choice but to face it.If you feel comfortable examining your behavior for factors, it helps to examine situations in your life where things seem to be going wrong on a regular basis.Are there any common factors that stand out?For example, maybe you pull away from a relationship once your partner says, I love you, starting to look for futile arguments. Or maybe you usually quit your job just before the annual review.Findoutwhattriggersthesesituations.Onceyoufigureouthowyou're sabotaging yourself, take note.What makes you feel compelled to act?88Germain Decelles"