b"HOW TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER CHAPTER 8HOW TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER The most important single ingredient in the formula for success is knowing how to get along with people.Oneofthemostprofoundexperienceswecanhaveinourlivesisthe connectionwehavewithotherhumanbeings.Positiveandsupportive relationships will help us feel healthier, happier, and more satisfied with our lives.Oneofthebiggestchallengeswefaceinrelationshipsisthatweareall different. We can perceive the world in many ways. The stumbling block we certainlyencounterwhentryingtobuildrelationshipsisthedesireor expectation that people think like us and that way it is so much easier to build a relationship.We feel more comfortable when we feel that peopleunderstandus and see our point of view. Life, however, would be very boring if we were all the same, and although we would find, it was easier initially, the novelty of the similarity would quickly wear off. So, accepting and celebrating that we are all different is a great place to start.To do this, listening is a crucial skill to build another person's self-esteem, in order to start getting to know them. This quiet form of flattery makes people feel supported and valued. Listening and understanding what others are communicating to us is the most important part of a successful interaction on both sides.Active or reflective listening is the most useful and important listening skill. In active listening, we must genuinely wish to understand what the other person is thinking, feeling, and wishing for, or simply, the meaning of the message. Then,wemustvalidateourunderstandingofthefactsandthefeelings expressed before responding with our own new message.Onewaytoensureunderstandingistoreiterateorparaphraseour understanding of the message and return it to the sender for verification. This process of checking or feedback is what sets active listening apart and makes it effective.Germain Decelles237"