b"DISCOVERING YOURSELF AS TO BETTER UNDERSTAND OTHERSA good therapist will notice this and help bring the problem to the surface, which you were probably unaware of.Self-sabotaging behaviors are often deeply rooted and difficult to recognize. Once you recognize them, notice how you come to terms with a situation that may be difficult to accept.In all faith, keep in mind that by recognizing these behaviors, you have taken the first step towards change. And you don't have to do it alone. Friends, relatives, and trained therapists can all offer support.UNDERSTAND OTHERSWe need to go beyond visual and superficial judgments.How do we assess a person's character?In general, people first assess themselves visually, not only by skin color, but also by height, weight, gender, hair and eye color, eye shape, car driving, the inhabited house, etc. It is our simplest and default way of forming an opinion about the qualities of others.Second, we look at superficial aspects like a person's education, relatives, job, people they associate with, where they live, the church they belong to, their political party.In the third line, what we find out when we talk to a person. Usually, we react emotionally to people when we talk to them.This emotional reaction is not always helpful.Often, we feel positive and warm towards people who are outgoing, energetic, sometimes loud, or invasive. It's about our automatic emotional reaction to how they present themselves and what we learned in childhood about how to conduct relationships.We may decide that these people have high levels of integrity, reliability, and kindness, all from our automatic emotional reactions, when in fact, they may not possess any of these attributes.On the other hand, shy people, who are less exuberant, low-key, and quieter, may evoke a different emotional reaction, making us feel untrustworthy. Germain Decelles91"